"Spicy" Fast Food

Friday, June 18, in the year of our Lord 2010
Briercrest College and Seminary, Distance Learning Office.
Writing before returning to work, 12:51PM
Weather = Rainy...


Spicy fast food. I'm not sure it actually exists.

I went to Burger King and saw a special for the "Angry Whopper," with a picture of a giant 3 layer burger wreathed in flames and the wording had iconic devil horns with red fading into black... or something like that. It looked impressive to say the least. I ordered one. When it arrived I realized that it was worthy of the Whopper title, but I didn't feel much angry. There were maybe two bites I had where I got lots of 'angry sauce' and I thought to myself "yeah, there we go, it's finally starting to heat up now..." only to find that it was a very short experience.

The so called 'Angry Whopper' is a misnomer. I think 'Slightly Disgruntled Whopper' or 'Passive Whopper that has become Frustrated' would be better names for it. A step up from that might be 'Teenage Angst Whopper' or 'Got up on the wrong side of the bed Whopper.' Angry Whopper should be reserved for something that might actually hurt your mouth on the way down.


Then yesterday I got a 'Flamethrower' from Dairy Queen. I had heard that this was a spicier experience than Burger King, and had seen commercials of some guy eating a flamethrower and his face turning bright red and dumping a blizzard on his head to cool off. When it arrived I thought that they might have given me the wrong burger. Unfortunately this was not the case. By the end I had to concentrate to feel that there was indeed something attempting to tickle the bottom of my throat.

'Flamethrower' might be a name that has meaning for people who think mushroom soup is spicy. Personally, I think 'Pea Shooter' or 'Extra Mild' might be more appropriate names.