I have not written in this blog for a while. It used to be
that I thought I had something worth typing every couple of days or weeks. This
hasn’t happened in a while. I have made plenty of drafts of things that I had
wanted to post, they just became too long and rambly or my inspiration to write
just kind of winked out before I could finish.
It’s been a long two years. We’ve had collapsed health, a
difficult pregnancy, schooling collapse, life goals collapse, friendships
collapse, our house has tried to kill us about three times, and there was a
whole year where going to Church was literally impossible. This has been the
hardest time of my life and it’s taken a toll on me. Yet in the midst of all
that I am happily married with a healthy one year old son and I’m almost done
my Master’s degree. The wacky rollercoaster of my still new family life has
calmed down a little bit.
I think I’ve reached a new stage of life. When I started
this blog I was still a college student, even though I was taking a seminary
degree. Now I’m not sure what I am, but I know that I am not and never will be
a college student again. A lot of the things that I thought were important I
now see in a different light and a lot of how I used to live seems like a
strange fairy tale. I can’t believe that I used to stay up until 2:00 AM
because I was bored. I can’t believe that I was ever bored at all actually. I’ve
had so many responsibilities and so little time and so little sleep that I’m at
the point where I get jittery and nervous if I’m not doing something
constructive for too long. I can’t believe how inherently selfish I was. I
guess kids will bring that to light. I also can’t believe some of the things I
wrote in this blog or at least how some of it was written. Looks like I’ve
grown a little since then.
I don’t think this is the end of gwollf. It’s served me well
as a personal space for writing and rambling and journaling a bit. It is the
end of a stage of life though. Right now it feels like I’m still in an in between
stage. Almost but not quite finished a Master’s degree, waiting to start a
teaching career, and still figuring out the dynamics of family life.
Maybe now that my final paper is handed in I will have some
time for personal writing and reflection… at least until I begin my thesis.
Greg Out.
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