The Death of Summer

It is cold today. The wind is has pulled most of the leaves off the trees, leaving brown and grey skeletal fingers where beauty and life used to be. The sun shines brightly, but holds no warmth, and shines less and less every day. The clouds are grey thick and mournful with no life to them. The birds have gone, the night sounds are gone, even the bugs are gone, all that remains is cold wind. Dead leaves blow across dying lawns and everybody braces for the long deep cold of winter.

Today I finish my job at Briercrest. The weather outside is a fitting parallel to my mind and heart. So many warm memories and yet none of them exist except inside my mind and heart. I open my eyes and I see that they are all gone and who will remember them if I can not? I kept a cheery disposition and encouraged and stayed encouraged until the last but now I feel a tremendous loss.

Clearing out my desk I found memories. The Distance Education pads I used to order by the dozen. We used to use them a lot. They were so useful and a rather ingenious marketing tool. Everyone used to use them, for everything. They were part of a different era. Now they are no more and the two pads hiding in my desk are the last ones. There was also business cards that predated me, Calvin probably printed them off and they reminded me of Charles, my first boss, and 9 years ago in 2004 when I first came to Briercrest. So many friends, so many memories, fellow students and co-workers, and Christians who I loved. Now gone, and I do not know where most of them are.

I erased the board today. A trivial task but oh so hard. I had drawn cavemen, a new one everyday when we found out that layoffs were going to happen, so that the department would have something to be encouraged by. There smiling faces and silly poses, now gone, except for the first one who peaks out from behind the 'away' section looking up with smiling expectation. They were precious in this time, and now they are gone. How long will my first and last little caveman exist?

Gone also are the old 4Imprint magazines from when I used to be their main contact. Gone are the raffle entries for free courses, the hand written inquiries about distance education, the accursed Moodle handbook (even this makes me sad), and every other work related keepsake I had held on to over the years. My work that I used to do is ending and soon I will also be gone from here.

I pause to consider what the future will hold for Briercrest and for Distance Education, but it is out of my hands and sorrow weighs me down. The way is clouded and the part of me that has remained ever hopeful and sees things through the eyes of faith is weary. There is something sacred about memories, the realization that I am so far removed from what made them hurts me. I will grieve and then I will move on, such is the way of things.

Time to face the long deep darkness of winter. It must come but only for a time. Winter must give way to summer, darkness to light, and grief to joy, Such is the reality for all of God's chosen.