Graduating

Well, it's official. I am going to graduate with my Masters of Theology degree on April 18 of this year. Wow. It's been a long haul. A lot has changed since I first started and I don't think I am the same person I was back then. I am a husband and a father, two wonderful titles I never thought I'd have until maybe after seminary was done. I became a DnD / GRURPS dungeon master, another title I never thought I would have. I was able to walk with my wife through pain and loss due to the school, disability, and bad health. I lost two deep friendships that I thought would last a lifetime. I pushed through my final courses, earning a high enough GPA to write a thesis which I also finished.

Yep, it's quite the list of accomplishments. My family, professors, and friends gush over me and are filled with joy and pride for what I have done, but I do not. I'm not sure if I have a distorted view of myself or if I am perhaps chronically tired or maybe depressed, but I do not feel much these days. I set out what I intended to do and then I did it. I am thankful for the chance to try and for everyone who partnered with me but I don't feel like the Masters degree is worth getting excited about. It is strange, as a freshman I looked up to people like myself now thinking they were theological superheroes. Now I'm a superhero and I am just tired. My degree doesn't mean much when my son yells and screams bloody blue murder every time I try to do something to deal with the exhaustion or pain. My degree hasn't provided my family with a safe place to live or a reliable income...

You know... looking at the direction of my writing I think I am dealing with at least a touch of depression. The thesis took a lot out of all of us and I haven't had a chance to really come down yet.

In any case, God is good. He will provide what we need. What is my degree good for? Why did I bother to get it? Because it is the completion of a firm foundation upon which I intend to build my family life, ministry, and career. If the foundation is good then the building is sound. I have been stretched to my limit out here in Caronport, and now I know where my limit is. I know that I am capable of more than I originally thought I was. I have the mental and academic skills and tools to go and do anything I want. My original dream of teaching at a small Bible school somewhere will probably have to wait since so many Bible schools are drying up these days, but I can be patient. In the mean time there are many local churches who could use my skills, giftings, and abilities which I intent to provide where ever we end up. Preaching, teaching, mentoring, participating in community, I am able to do all these things and more... given enough prep time of course.

So it is with a strange combination of lament, hope, numbness, and joy that I will be crossing the finish line. It's been a stormy season but the Lord leads true. Onward and ever forward in the name of Christ.

Amen.