Another New Chapter

So I'm back after a half year hiatus. Still going through Augustine (book 5 now). It's good stuff but slow going.

It feels like only last week I was saying goodbye to The Source and only last month that I said goodbye to Briercrest. Where does the time go? In reality it's been two and a half years since we moved out to Ontario and ten months since we picked up from Barrie to land in Orillia.

And now here I am at the start of another chapter. My position at Career Tech Services as a curriculum designer could not be extended beyond the one year contract so I am looking for work. Victoria has registered for a psychology / counseling course on the effects of trauma and loss on a child's cognitive development (and I am so happy and proud of her for it!) J's IBI therapy is also finally landing after years on the waiting list which means major changes and transitions for everyone.

The prospect of so much change is exhilarating and debilitating at the same time. I intend to go back to web design and already have plans to set up an office in the garage as attempting to do any important work in the house when the kids are awake is impossible. I have so many plans its hard to keep them all straight. I plan to keep consistent hours. I have plans for building my own coding library so I can pull up entire website sections and edit them quickly to make building websites much more efficient. I have plans to learn different concepts about WordPress, BootStrap, Foundation 5, and trying to adapt them to make a system of creating professional websites. There are people to network with, conventions and demonstrations about starting up small businesses to attend, and clients to hunt down and sell to. I can do it. I want to do it. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do it. So much uncertainty. So much promise. What if I can make it work? The low end web designer can apparently charge somewhere around $35 per hour. This doesn't include the hours spent researching, marketing, advocating, or doing administrative stuff... but even so if I could find enough people who wanted me to build websites for them and provide good customer service, then word will get around and I will (theoretically) have no shortage of potential work hours to be paid for.

But getting this off the ground... how do I do it? I have coding skills. I have made websites in the past. I have the aptitude to learn. I have the creative side to innovate. I am good at customer service. I suck at people skills though. Small talk. Sales. Networking. Not good.

I've tried this before, but I don't think the timing was right. I tried it while working on my thesis (HAHAHAHAHA oh wow. What was I thinking?) and I tried it when we first moved out to Ontario but I had to recover from some serious burnout. Now I'm back up and not burnt out. I'm still young (31 is still young right?) I don't have anything better to do as my job ends today. I have to try it. I have no reason not to. This could actually work. I could actually make a living by the work of my own hands and not have to go to lousy jobs that pay me a meager living to apologize for other people's mistakes or move files around hard drives all day long. If this actually works then I can work with motivation towards actual goals and set my own hours; I could be available to my family.

Oh Lord, may it be so!

But I am also applying to other jobs... just in case this doesn't work. It will, after all, take time and a lot of effort if it happens at all. It is uncertain. A lot of these jobs make me sick to think about, I really don't want to spend any more time apologizing for other people or moving files on hard drives or doing other physical or electronic menial labor so that someone else can profit off me and only pay me a fraction. I want to be able to thrive. I want to be able to participate in the Church throughout the week. I want to ensure that my family is able to get and do what they need to do well.

Oh Lord, may it be so.